There's something about the easy route that is attractive. I started this temp job that has basically me tagging jewelry. Extremely tedious and boring and the wage isn't impressive but I felt I had to generate some income and force myself to get back into the working world, even if it isn't my dream job. At the end of the job, there's a possibility I might get offered permanent employment. During the first week, I thought no but as I got more acquainted with the business, people, and comfortable with working, it started to sound not so bad. After all, I won't be tagging forever. Everyone starts there it seems.

I mean, it'd be easy. No more worrying about how your resume looks, how you are gonna be able to pay basic bills, and security for as long as you earn it. What is most appealing is not having to continuously put in applications, searching pages and pages of job listings, fighting the disappointment and frustration when none you apply to get back. It sucks. As hard and exhausting a full day is, knowing all you have coming when you come home is applying to jobs is no fun. Especially if you consider I have to get up very early and arrive home late due to a long commute. Daily life is exhausting.

It wouldn't be that high paying job that will make me satisified or use my degrees. Supposedly, it pays decently and there is a variety of duties among the office. Yet, it'd stop the need to continue looking and allow me to earn an income and start this career I want. Let me get into the working world and get knowledge of how it works. That's what I need really. I need to distance myself from school and force myself into work and adult responsibilities.

That's not what I really want though. My dreams of a great, satisifying job where I can become a workaholic and do great things. Benefit others and earn an income indicative of my educational degrees, in a field that I find challenging. Yet, there's the want of easy in the face of something that is considerably difficult that has its own appeal. I don't want to settle for less or let the world smash my ambition but I'm not sure how to proceed to get what I want. I keep trying different tactics but it never seems to lead anywhere.

I have a t-shirt that says "life is easy, it's just the freaking people who make it difficult." And right now, that is really hard to deny. The tip of my problems seem to be Karen. She is one of the members in the group I volunteer and asked me for some help in english. Not that I can teach well, much less in English, a field I'm not particularly strong in. However, I've written tons of essays and format paragraphs, know when to place things, and that sort. And me, being a good person, said yes. I didn't have a clue to what I agreed to.

The first time we met she didn't even know the basic three paragraph outline. It was remarkable. I mean, she got into a college so she should know at least that much. Boggles the mind really. The next time she asked for help was a couple days ago with a 2 page paper. For three hours, I sat there and taught her how to recognize and build a basic paragraph, connecting the subjects and sentences. She claims she needs more help but she's said "let's meet up" like 4 times and either forgotten ("Oh, I was too tired") or cancelled formally. I don't mind helping her really but if I'm gonna take my time and help her, she should be mindful of how annoying it is to make plans to help and have them fall through again, and again.

What's worst, I can probably lecture her but she won't get it. I really don't know if it was a good idea getting better acquainted with her. I mean, you've heard of people saying "they hear voices" but usually half the time it was just a joke or they've had that kind of day. This time I'm serious though. She really can hear voices and what they say is not for the kind-hearted. Even the police ignore her because she's reported enough false, she can't be believed. She claims she has a stalker, her neighbors went and raped someone, and the like. Yet, there was a stint back last year when she claimed another person called her in, which didn't happen. She can seriously flip on someone suddenly, without reason or logic.

I seriously don't know what to do but if she calls tomorrow and asks to meet, I'm gonna have to stand my ground. It's superbowl day and my team is playing. Monday looks bad too. Maybe I need to talk to someone and see what they say to do. Not about to do that with my parents though. Just before I left and came back, my mom went and had this whole emotional breakdown about what dangers await me potentially. I mean, one part of it is parent worry so I could understand and I am one state away. One part was just her not respecting how I can handle myself. She does have some points as I am a little naive about real life, my head in school and books but I think twice, react as necessary, and can usually figure it out. If I tell, it'd be like my mom being right and I don't want that.

I'm having enough issues as it is. Jobs are going nowhere. My thesis has changed a lot and the progress has been impressive but I still have one more "small" edit to go through. I've only been hearing this for 6 months. I want to see results already. Yet, I sit there and smile, being that understanding person. It's just so hard being so close and so far. I'm gonna have to see this through though, somehow but it's like my life has come to a stop. And yet everyone else is seeing great changes in their lives and, well, are actually doing something. It's really hard to see and incredibly frustrating for me.

My brother continues to search for that elusive and highly-in demand with more stock than necessary fireman job but he is continuing his school for that degree. He's still holding onto that EMT job, getting experience despite the small pay. Planning the wedding I hear and even volunteered to help my dad with the garage they're putting in. They've talked about it since I was a kid so it wasn't surprising but I'm surprised they want to get into it and are willing to spend the money, now of all times. But it is undeniable that it is necessary and adds good value to the house. And who knows what my sister is doing.

I mentioned previously she was pressuring her bf about an engagement ring. I also mentioned how I disapproved, how,it could create problems. She still wants it. She doesn't have it now and no one knows when she will. Yet, she is absolutely and positively sure it will take place in the history museum in Denver, on April 13, 2014. Because she works there, she gets a good deal so I'm saying that is smart moneywise but at the same time, putting on the brakes. Uh, shouldn't you get a formal proposal and mutual interest from the guy first? She's even started dress shopping. Oh goodness. Not that I'm thrilled at having to attend the wedding anymore than my brother's but I don't see how this can end well.

I know every couple is different and no one knows what the future brings for sure but you don't have to be a highly educated psychologist to see she's putting a lot of pressure on her bf. I remember seeing this story on TLC's "say yes to the dress". So sue me, but sometimes the bride and her family can make those appointments endearing and ridiculous. Anyway, one bride did what my sister is doing. She wanted the ring, the wedding, the whole fairytale. Found a gorgeous dress with the idea some grand wedding was to come. Updated later to say the fiance broke off the engagement. No offense to the bride and not excusing the groom who should have stood up to her sooner but yeah, what did she expect?

People do things at their own pace and planning for something big and expensive that isn't a given yet is stupid. I don't want to predict gloom in my sister's future. Seriously, if she could break my family's curse and not get divorced, points to her. However, I cannot see her bf liking this. In relationships you'll deal with it because you love them and her bf says he does, but down the line when he is older and realizes what the world holds will he appreciate being talked into jumping something he isn't ready for? Yet, is it any of my business? I can answer the second: no. There's a part of me who wants to call up my sister and ask what's she doing. Try to get some sense of what she is potentially creating. My sister drives me nuts sometimes granted and no, I'm not a fan of weddings or marriage to begin with, but I don't want her to become the dumped and have to go through divorce.

I realize that even marriages that go with the flow might not end up well too but starting off with this force and pressure is not any better. Because right now, I can just see it: me getting a phone call from my overly emotional sister saying she's getting a divorce, potentially even bringing kids into it. Or even allowing my sister to move in my guest bedroom while it is settled. The like. And I'm gonna sit there and think: well, you did just jump off bridge and force such a legal commitment on him before he was ready. I'm sorry for being Ms. Negativity but I'm saying this out of concern, for her, for his, for any resultant children, who stand to be deeply hurt.

Yes, a part of it is envy that she's doing something with her life and my desire for time and life to stop until I get things figured out and are on the same par but those personal feelings have no influence on what her bf is thinking or feeling. The blog and my best friend are the only person I have told these feelings to because I believe and always will that this is her/his life and I have no right to tell them how to live it. I do, however, have a personal opinion of it all and I'm not afraid of writing it here.